Zero to Zombie
by CherryBlossom1996
Summary: This is not my story, just uploading it on my account for a friend. Not really part of the films but is an excellent zombie fic. Please give it a chance :


**Zero to Zombie.**

Pretty f*cking quickly...

16:04

How long does it take, I wonder? A minute? Ten? An hour? 28 days, 28 weeks, I'm sure I've heard that somewhere before? Who the f*ck knows, right? Except for maybe them. Outside. They've been there you see. They're walking the walk, right now. How long did it take them to turn or change, whatever you wanna call it? So many questions, so little time... Or maybe not, who knows? That's another question. Why me? And another...

"SHUT THE F*CK UP! YOU'RE SURE AS HELL NOT GETTING IN!" Noisy b*stards.

"THIS IS MY BROOM CUPBOARD!" My own little piece of the world. Or what's left of it. I'd say around 6 feet long by 3 feet wide? In fact, I procrastinate; it's exactly 6 feet long by 3 feet wide give or take a cm. I know this as it's been my office for the past 4 years or so. 3 years, 10 months and almost a week as it happens... Oh, how I luurrrvve my job. Janitor at an office block. Well, office block is bit of a stretch; it's hardly a sky scraper with its five floors. Including the basement. Five well kept, clean and well maintained floors though if I do say so myself. All thanks to yours truly. And procrastinate. What a f*cking lovely word. I've at no point had cause to use it in either conversation or written form. But now I have. Twice. Don't even know what it means. Did I use it in context? I dunno, maybe you can tell me, when this is all over we'll sit down and have a beer and chew the fat over a f*cking dictionary haha! I'm a cups half full kinda guy, what can I say? I think today, the cups full to the top with blood. It's been a strange kind of day to say the least... And lol. Note I add haha to aid you to understand that I said something that I deem funny. I hate the over use of an exclamation mark, it's like laughing at your own jokes and I f*cking despise the use of lol. And I've just used it twice. Kill me now if you haven't already haha! See what I did there, I laughed at my own joke. What else is there to laugh at? On that subject, if I bit you, tried to bite you or cause you harm in any way in the time leading up to you getting your hands on this note, please accept my deepest apologies. This, I hope it goes without saying was not my intent upon rising this morning. I do however feel a certain sense of inevitability. If you've made it this far, it's ok, I forgive you. You did what you had to do; I had it coming so weep no tears. I was a mother f*cking zombie and deserved it, your conscience is clear my good fellow. You've sent me to a better place. Well, let's face it, it couldn't be any worse that this s*it storm can it haha? Woops, like Britney, I did it again...

"GOD DAMN IT, WITH THE F*CKING NOISE, ENOUGH ALREADY!"

Surely they know I'll be out there amongst them shortly or maybe they just want to finish what that cock sucker started? I dunno. Will I turn into one of them? Shut up, course I will, I've seen the movies, I've been bit. They always change. Just a matter of time. And I guess if you're reading this, then yes it did happen. So for now, it's just me, this f*cking cupboard and a light bulb with so much flicker it could induce a house fly into epilepsy. I meant to fix that. Shoulda, coulda, didna. Story of my life. What else? The sink! Good, I'm so thirsty right now; I could drink your veins dry! Did I just write that, damn it, no delete button on this notebook... Be back soon, ever the optimist...

R xxx

16:38

Well, guess whose back? Water tastes like rats p*ss. Still thirsty. Never known thirst like it. Hungry too. Could murder a double whopper. Knew I shouldn't have skipped lunch. You never know when an opportunity to eat will come along again. Ravenous... Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and chew on you later. Nice to eat you! There I go again, just kidding, never been much of a meat man, my jokes were always lousy... But hey, I'm a dying man, they're all I've got, always wanted to have the last laugh and I am a cups half full kind of guy remember...

17:05

Well, I guess I better introduce myself while I've still got a chance. Concentration levels are dropping, really having to dig deep to find the words. So what else is new? I'm Rob. Yeah, that's right. Sense of irony huh? So pretty soon, I guess, I'll be the real Rob Zombie. Lucky me. How about that? So... how'd I come to be talking to you from beyond the undead graveyard? How come I'm the lucky one? Having a great day that's how! Actually it's been a pretty sh*tty day all things considered. Well, I have 2 kids. They're pretty grown up now, gone to live with their mom. Guess I made some mistakes. A lot of mistakes really. So they left. Just like that. My own fault. All my own fault. I like a drink. That cost me everything. What I wouldn't give for an ice cold beer right now... The only job I could get with my record. Even this was got for me by my buddy who, god rest his undead soul pulled me outta the gutter. He worked here so pulled some strings for me. I have a lot to thank him for. Including my current predicament. Son of a b*tch chewed a chunk outta my butt. There I was, minding my own business, emptying his waste paper basket, turned around and the mother f*cker bit me on the ass!

So thirsty. And tired. I'll cut the story a little shorter than it is, not feeling so good, not sure I'll have the focus or energy to write for much longer, though I'll do the best I can. Anyways, I tried to leave via the nearest exit only to be chased back inside by what could only be described as the zombies like you see in the movies. You know the kind. In fact if you're reading this, you know exactly what I'm talking about so you don't need me to paint you a picture in crayon. Hundreds of em. Everywhere. I slammed those doors shut and ran as best I could with ass desperately in need of some medical attention. Figured I'd get to the roof to assess the situation and maybe phone for some ass(see what I did?)istance. But by the time I made it to the third floor, I knew there was no way I could make it, the stairwell and the area right in front of the elevator were no go areas. Zombies everywhere. And those who weren't zombies yet were running around screaming like this:

"!"

Maybe not exactly like that but something similar, but a bit more shrill and a little more shriek and I can't do shrill or shriek in hand writing. Can you? Maybe you'll show me some day over that beer haha! Look what you made me do...

On another note, if a zombie attack is impending, don't for the love of god, take refuge in a cupboard with no cell phone coverage. Bad idea. Anyway, what time is it? F*cking cell phone battery's dying! Cheap ass... meant to charge it earlier, forgot, beer head this morning. Gonna try some more of that p*ss awful water and maybe a little rest. Could kill for a Big Mac...

18:28

Well... Guess I'm back... Not sure for how long... Drank what felt like gallons of water and still so freaking thirsty... And so hungry... Craving meat... Can't think straight... So what to do next? Sit here and wait? Go out and join the f*ckers? At least I'd get something to eat that way... See how I make jokes? What next... what's next... I dunno... Kill my own ass? What's left of it. ... And with what? God, I miss my kids... And my wife... I miss them so much... I'm so sorry... So, so sorry... I put you guys through hell; I'd give anything to take it all back...anything... I love you guys so much...

?

Cell phone battery died. No idea what time it is. I guess around 8pm? I'm so sorry, I can't take this anymore, so thirsty, so tired, hungry. So tired. I've decided to...

CDC AGENT REPORT:

ITEM: Notebook. Pen. Cell phone (battery discharged). Traces of blood.

LOCATION: Janitors storeroom. 3rd floor. Ground zero. Building under quarantine.

TIME: 20:10h. Approx. 28 hours after initial outbreak report.

NOTES: Apparent final journal written by janitor Robert, surname and location currently unknown. No body found with or near journal. Door to store cupboard found ajar.

Last entry and 2 pages that followed have been deemed classified. Spelling, grammar, punctuation and legibility all showed signs of degradation suggesting a gradual pattern of reduced cognitive function. The above journal text has been rewritten so as to allow for sense to be made of it following the gradual decline in legibility. Certain aspects deemed of a sensitive nature to both the CDC and government have been removed and archived for future reference.

ACTION: Building currently under decontamination protocol and scheduled for destruction.


End file.
